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Interview with Best Sex Writing 2010 contributor John DeVore by Rachel Kramer Bussel
What inspired your essay “What Really Turns Men On” in Best Sex Writing 2010?
I wanted to write about the kinds of women that I personally find attractive. Not all men are lemmings.
You write, “There is a profound disconnect between what we’re told to think is sexy, and what it is that we actually think is sexy, between glamour groupthink and the sanctity of the individual kink.” How is your piece and point of view different from what’s seen in the media about the topic? Why do you think certain types (call her Megan Fox, as you do…or Pamela Anderson) are presented as the type of women men should desire?
This piece points out there’s a difference between fantasy and reality. It’s good to be reminded of that. There are men out there who are confident enough to follow the divining rod in their pants, and to ignore the clamor of the beer and boob literati. Likewise, there are women out there who aren’t total wedding and diet obsessed harpies, no matter what the lady mags demand. To thineself be true.
I haven’t the foggiest notion why women like Megan Fox or Pamela Anderson are successful commodities. It’s not an exact science. What’s sexy now, wasn’t sexy ten years ago. It will be different in ten years. Fashion is a fickle bitch, and the media spends all of its time chasing it through swamps, into thorn bushes, and over mountains.
I mean, you mention Anderson in the same sentence as Fox. They’re two totally different “types.” Anderson is a bubbly, blonde bombshell with big boobs. Megan Fox is sleeker, more sultry and sinister.
All I know is that when a certain type of woman strikes a chord with a large minority of men, that you can then sell that image and persona to those men.
Do you feel that women try to live up to these images rather than being themselves in order to attract men?
Yes. Absolutely. But becoming comfortable in one’s own skin is not a gender specific odyssey.
You write the weekly Mind of Man column for TheFrisky.com, and have written about everything from blowjobs to anal sex to threesomes to polyamory (“’Open relationships’ are like snowboarding. There are people who can do it very well. And then there are people like me, who will end up breaking something.”). What’s been your favorite column to write? Which has proven the most popular?
My most popular column, I think, was the one where I said that there’s nothing manlier than a man carrying a bouquet of flowers. That one blew up. I generally know my column is a success when I get nasty e-mails from self-proclaimed “feminists” and frat boys accusing me of “tucking my shlong.”
My favorite column was the one I wrote about the freakiest sex I ever had. Let’s just say, I somehow ended up biting my own foot.
One question I get asked a lot is why more men aren’t sex columnists. Why do you think that is? What’s it like writing for an audience made up mostly of women, after coming from Maxim?
Sex is a fantastically vulnerable thing, and I think men are uncomfortable with that. For all our bluster, men are strangely tight lipped about sex. Sure, we brag about conquests. We might even occasionally regale our friends with over the top tales of sexual derring-do. But there is a boundary, a place we do not go with one another. It’s a minor irony that modern men are very chaste in many ways. That said, I get a lot of shit for writing about sex. Good natured ball breaking from friends and some straight up crazygrams from angry brodawgs.
Women, however, are much more open. Also: they love to read. As a writer, I enjoy writing for those who love to read.
What’s the biggest misconception you think women have about men (and vice versa)?
That we want sex all the time and that women don’t.
Do you feel the term “sexual outlaw” applies to you and your writing?
If I’m a “sexual outlaw,” it’s because I’m writing about sex from a personal, alpha nerd point of view.
What are you working on next?
Besides my work for The Frisky, I write daily sex and dating advice for Guyspeak.com. I scribble regularly for Playboy, CNN, and AOL. Follow me, why don’t you, at twitter.com/johndevore.
John DeVore writes the “Mind of Man” column for The Frisky.com. A former Maxim magazine editor, John has written for Comedycentral.com, Playboy.com, and for the infamous political parody Whitehouse.org. For two and a half years, he cohosted the radio show “DeVore and Diana” on Sirius Satellite Radio.
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Tags: author, Best Sex Writing 2010, body types, interview, John DeVore, Megan Fox, Rachel Kramer Bussel, sex, sex columnist, sex writing, sexuality, The Frisky
January 29, 2010 at 2:01 am |
This guy sounds like a real weirdo to me.